For the last week I have awoken in strange beds. I wish that were as fun as it may sound, but it’s because after 9.5 years of living together and 4.5 years of marriage, Francisco and I are going through a divorce.
Why? Irreconcilable differences. There’s no bad guy/girl here. There’s a lot of love, and remorse over the realization that we can’t make it work in spite of that. That we may even arrive at the same destinations, just not at the same time. We’ve tried so hard to avoid it, and have talked, cried, and hugged our way through it.
There was a month-long separation, where I went on what my friend Sara called- to my chagrin- my own mini Eat, Pray, Love. I holed up in a hotel to re-design the blog, I went to a clothing optional resort where I could meditate, and I traveled to spend time with my family, have adventures with my nephew, and think about what family means to me. Increasingly I started to use “I” and “me” language, in place of “we” and “us.”
Last week marked the end of two weeks of going through the wringer…or more aptly the shredder. Of going through ten years of shared history in stuff and on paper; school, research, apartments, cars, travel, jobs, marriage, taxes, purchases, home ownership, photos, videos, love letters. Of figuring out what to keep, who gets it, donating, selling, packing, or shredding. Piling bales of shredded evidence into recycle bins…shredded paper that looked and sounded like my high school cheerleading pom poms, when no one felt like cheering.
Moving at least every 3.5 years for my entire life and even being excited to take minimalism to the next level didn’t remotely prepare me for this, and why would it? Heartache + dismantling a joint life + uncertainty of what/where I’m packing for = awful. A friend asked me if as days went by it got easier- if I became numb to it. But in fact as days went on and moving day approached I became rawer, and it felt unbearable.
I’ve been thinking a lot about that line in the Rage Against the Machine song “Freedom” where Zack de la Rocha whispers, “Anger is a gift.” I get that. This might be easier if I was angry. I might be more certain or feel stronger. But then again, I’m glad that’s not the case. We’ve been compassionate, kind, considerate, and supportive through nearly all of this. We’ve even gone together to friend’s events, parties, etc. Why are we doing this again?
Our amazing friends helped me move out and into their homes and garages last Sunday- all approximately 6X6’ of what physically remains of my life outside of me, by choice.
Now I’m of two minds. One is dealing with this breakup as one might expect- mourning the loss and feeling a little worried about the future. This sad side carries all my insecurities and displays them often. The other side of me is excited for my life to come even as my current life is dismantled and few remnants remain. This side is thinking, “You can redesign your life radically and you have the courage to do it- the sky’s the limit!” The other part of me thinks, “Get lost bright side- you’re too early.” I feel guilty even admitting that there is a bright side right now, but I also believe that happiness is a choice- part perception and part action- and I want to be happy. Without ignoring the hard stuff, I’ll try to focus on the positive.
I’m also counting my blessings. Among them is Francisco. I feel grateful for our time together and I’ll fondly think of it as a gift to be cherished and learned from. I’m so thankful that we can be friends. I’m also fortunate to have amazing family and friends who have helped me in so many ways, and understand that there are no sides to choose from.
And then there is this- my blog, which has brought so many awesome, inspiring, caring, supportive new friends into my life. It will continue, just transform like me. And of course, there will be travel…lots of travel. 🙂
What a beautiful post about a sad chapter. Our thoughts and prayers are with you guys….
Mike and Luci
thanks mike & luci. your support, as always, is a gift 🙂
Sorry to here this news. This is a very brave, insightful and honest post, thank you for opening up and sharing. It must be a difficult time, but for what it’s worth, we’re sending you hugs and smiles! 😉
thanks cam. it was really hard to write, so i definitely appreciate your kind words. and hugs & smiles are my favorite remedy for everything 🙂
Break-ups are never easy. Sounds like you are going to be okay 🙂 I think it says a lot that the two of you are remaining friends. Take care of yourself.
thanks nancie. i know i will be. just have to take care as you say 🙂
Lorna! You are so freakin’ awesome. We are here to support you when you need it and you can always count on me if you need an ear. At least you are experiencing the emotions you are supposed to feel. You’re on your way to healing. <3 *hug*
thanks erica. i know what you say is true, because you already have and i can’t tell you how much i appreciate it! i hope you know that i’m happy to reciprocate any time 🙂
I applaud and encourage the bright side of this situation. It’s so fortunate that you and Francisco can remain friends, draw strength and optimism from this and unfold your wings.
thanks inka. can’t tell you how relieved i am to read this encouragement. i’m going to copy and paste that into a sticky note as a reminder. i love that…”unfold your wings.”
Hi Lorna,
So sorry to read about you and Francisco no longer being together any more. (And I never got the chance to meet him.) I’m glad you two are being adults about the whole breakup experience. As always, I wish you the very best in your current and future endeavors. You take care now, you hear?
All The Best,
Erich
thanks erich. i’m glad too- i can’t imagine not having him in my life. as for taking care, i absolutely will do 🙂
I’m so sorry to hear that! It really is a silver lining that you guys will remain friends. It says a lot about how special you two people are. I hope you continue to heal and if you need to have a recovery retreat, just get yourself down to New Zealand and I’ll buy the wine (and the chocolate).
thanks marie- that’s so nice of you to say about us. and as for your nz offer- gimme a few months and i may just do it! 🙂
Lorna,
I went through a similar thing four years ago. You’ve already worked out this situation is survivable and that things can get better. It just takes time. It sounds like you have the right attitude and lots of support to get through this difficult period. Continue to be kind to yourself and Francisco.
thanks d.o. a good friend told me once that grieving is non-linear and that’s the biggest thing i’m trying to remember. that i can’t expect that it will just get better and better with every passing day. that i may hit a string of good days and then hit a bad one, and that doesn’t mean i’m no longer doing well or have had a set back. that and, as you say, continuing to be kind even when i’m hurt are daily reminders right now. great to read about how wonderful things are for you now 🙂
Lorna, I still grieve for the potential that was there with my ex. Emotions are funny old things. He tells me he’s happy enough with his life now. He has a new job, is exercising more and thinking of traveling to Africa. I went for a few counselling sessions during the breakup and was warned that my leaving could be the wakeup call my ex needed and that he could tranform himself into the man I wanted him to be. Well, that turned out to be true.
But in the years without him, I’ve traveled, met the most wonderful man in the world, had a baby, traveled some more and I’m looking forward to the future.
It’s always hard to imagine how our lives will be in the future but I’m sure that your future will be as rich and exciting as your past.
thanks d.o. wow- you’ve hit on what i bet is such a common fear during breakups- that your partner will finally be exactly who you were looking for post-breakup.
i was thinking of that today actually. and then i thought about how for me, it’s really ME whom i want to transform. like so many of us, i’ve done it a bunch, but now
i have a clearer sense of what i want than ever before and have the courage to finally take it to the Nth degree…i think. so glad to hear that things have worked out so beautifully for you. thanks so much for sharing. i know that i’ll work through this loss and eventually come out on the other side too 🙂
Lorna, sorry to hear it. Although I haven’t met either one of you, I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. I know (from my own personal experience) that what you’re going through is difficult. Best wishes.
thanks glen. so kind of you to say and definitely appreciate those wishes 🙂
Sorry to hear this news….I know how difficult and brutal a breakup can be, especially when there was no bad guy/girl, as you said. I totally admire you and your attitude about it. I truly wish you the best and believe that, with time and travel, you’ll be OK…better than OK, actually. Take care…
thanks lisa. so great to hear. will do 🙂
Lorna, sorry to hear, but so brave of you to share. Probably the best medicine. Thank you and all our best wishes 🙂
thanks lachlan. it was definitely hard but i think you’re right. i knew i couldn’t get away with not sharing it, and now that i have, it’s a big relief to see everyone’s
wonderful, kind comments here. really appreciate yours 🙂
am really sorry your marriage ended
thank you zablon 🙂
The painful beginning of a new chapter I hope the future holds great things for you both.
thanks robin. me too 🙂
Lorna, so sorry to hear this, it must be such a difficult time. You’re both obviously being very mature about this, and I’m so glad that you’re remaining friends – it’s hard to let go of someone that’s been in your life for so long and knows you so well. It’s so brave of you to share these thoughts with the world x
thanks rebecca. it’s really hard right now and with so much to do. but it’s wonderful to feel this support and to hear that people understand.
feeling a bit like my weebles (wobble but they don’t fall down) these days, so very nice to see the word “brave” in relation to me 🙂
Oh Lorna,
This sheds new light on your comment on my blog. You have my deepest sympathy…it’s not easy to say goodbye to a life lived over a decade. There will be adjustments and I’m confident that you will weather them. But with every ending comes new beginnings and I am excited for yours.
thanks renee. your post was right on time for me 🙂 i so appreciate the confidence here, and in spite of current challenges, i know you’re right. 🙂
Hey, really sorry to hear your news.
Nice post though. Must have been difficult to write.
thanks simon. it was. it originally started out, “This morning I awoke in a strange bed…” so that will tell you how long it took me to get the courage to hit publish. 🙂
I’m going to sound like a broken record after all the other comments, but I’m really sorry to hear the news. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you both, especially since, like you said, there’s no one to be angry at or blame it on.
But you shouldn’t feel guilty for looking on the bright side. You deserve to be happy! Just look at this as the beginning to a totally new adventure.
Thanks for sharing; this was very brave of you to write! Look out, Liz Gilbert!
thanks amanda. ever hear that tori amos song “crucify”? that line where she says “got enough guilt to start my own religion” i kind of get that unfortunately! will try to
make your words stick with me though. thanks for the giggle just at the right time (liz gilbert) ha ha! 🙂
My Dear Lorna, My heart goes out to you and your husband at this difficult time in your lives. Your post is so truthful and poignant, it just brings tears to my eyes. The love you have together is what will sustain you through the very sad times you are going to experience, along with the love of your dear friends and family, which is something you have already experienced. I am so in awe of the courage you both have, you are wounded souls who need time to heal, and I promise you will. My prayers and good thoughts are with you both.
Love, Pati
thanks pati. it’s so good to hear from you here. you’ve known me through some pretty tough times before and i know you understand how hard this can be. so appreciate the kind words
well-wishes. xo 🙂
Hold it together darlin’ better days are coming!!!
Lorna, so sorry to hear this news! I applaud you for bravely sharing it in such a public platform and for your positive outlook even though I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Here’s to hoping that you are both happier.
thanks laurel. i hope we both are too. i know i’ll be cheering from the sidelines for him for sure 🙂
🙁
A new chapter has begun… good luck on your next journey.
thanks jill. true- and so many possibilities 🙂
Aw, I’m sorry to hear this news, but like you said it’s the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Luckily you can remain on good terms. Best wishes to you both 🙂
thanks michael. and yeah- i’m so grateful for that we can 🙂
I’m so sorry to hear that, Lorna but it is also really brave from you to share it with us. You have our support and I’m sure you will find your new way very soon. Break-ups are never easy, but they help you find a new/unknown side of your personality! and you can be egoistic and self-centered as much as you want now..and that’s always great:) take care!
thanks steffy- for the support & the giggle 🙂
We admire your attitude and your outlook. You’re just the kind of person we are happy to know (well, e-know). Thanks for being incredible.
PS – Drinks on us when we meet 🙂
thanks gents. the feeling is 100% mutual. thanks for checking in on me as you have so often during this- it means a whole lot.
hope to have the opportunity for those drinks soon 🙂
SO MUCH LOVE to you Lorna. I identify with soooo much of this since I went through my own divorce in 2009/10. I wish I could say it was amicable for me. Yet I can’t imagine that really makes things that much easier. I am so very sorry you must go through all this. Please know you can talk to me anytime.
un beso enorme!!!!
thanks kirsten- right back at you. sorry you had to go through this too. thanks for the emails, tweets, all that you’ve done to be a pal. un beso enorme para vos tambien 🙂
You know how much I adore and admire you and by the looks of things I’m not the only one! Look at all of that awesome support!!! I’m SO proud of our awesome travel community! This was the 1st step in your new life, it was probably hardest, so take a deep breath and fake it till you make it!!! <3
thanks for everything andi- so sweet and as you know totally mutual. i’m completely FLOORED by the support from everyone too. i was so scared to share this and didn’t know what to expect. i was shaking like a leaf when i hit “publish” and now i’m just bowled over in appreciation and relief. you’re right lady- think i’ll do a big sigh first, deep breath next, and then it’s all about looking forward 🙂
I am so sorry to hear this, Lorna. It’s an incredibly difficult time and it took a great deal of courage for you to share this with us on your blog. The start of a new chapter in life is always both happy and sad, strangely enough.
thanks akila. so nice to hear. think you’re right about new chapters. hoping to move in the direction of happiness now 🙂
My heart goes out to you – your words bring back all to familiar memories when I was going through a breakup after a long-term relationship. My life was turned upside down in the midst of a working holiday – know the pain slowly diminishes and later rather than sooner you’ll – as you said – look back positively on the time you shared together. All the very best to you.
thanks matt. wow- so sorry you had to endure that in the midst of a holiday- a working one no less. imagine that would make it harder- not to be around loved ones and
having to focus on a project. am sure you’re right and so appreciate the kind words and encouragement 🙂
Lorna, you are amazing! Seriously! I can only hope that I could handle myself even have as brave and mature as you. I’ll be thinking of you, and sending lots of positive warm fuzzies – they’re pretty good with directions, so I’m sure they’ll make it cross the bay with no problem 🙂
thanks ashley. really appreciate it. and those warm fuzzies travel fast! they got here seconds after i started reading your sweet note. 🙂
Lorna! You are strong- you are brave- you are kind… those three things will only bring happiness sooner than you could expect. Our very best to you and Francisco now.
thanks jade. that’s so nice of you to say. i hope you’re right 🙂
Wow, Lorna. I really don’t know what to say. From reading your words it sounds like you’re adopting the right attitude that will help you move forward. What a long time to be together…so thank goodness you will stay friends. There has to be some comfort in that because it means you did (and do) truly love each other. I’ve never been through what you’re going through so I have no words of wisdom or advice, but just know you have supportive friends (there’s a growing list here) and wishing you and Francisco all the best moving forward. Thank you for letting us in.
thanks andrea. please don’t worry- what you’ve said is just perfect. it made me smile. i do feel so supported and it makes me feel like i’m just where i need to be. all will be well 🙂
Wow, I’m so sorry to hear this. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors, and it sounds like you’re taking it as best as you possibly can. So many people in your situation go about it in all the wrong ways, and while I’m sure this is the most difficult thing you’ve ever gone through, it sounds like both of you are going about it as best you can. Good luck to you, and by the looks of it, you have a great support group. Our thoughts are definitely with you.
thanks adam. definitely appreciate the nod for going about this in a good way. i just want to look back and feel like i handled myself in a way i can be proud of- fair and kind. and so glad to have you as part of that support group 🙂
I admire the hell out of you for having the courage to write this. I won’t reinstate the obvious… yeah it blows, it is what it is.
You’re right on with your thinking – “You can redesign your life radically and you have the courage to do it- the sky’s the limit!”
ROCK THE HELL ON!!!! and make 2011 your bitch.
thanks nick. you’re right- it does blow, but i’ll keep on rockin’. between me, you and all our awesome peeps here, 2011 had better hold on to something strong 🙂
Don’t really know ya’ll at all, but I am amazed at your honesty and forthrightness in this post. I wish both of you only the best.
thanks michael. really appreciate your saying so. to you as well 🙂
Wow. This was so tough to read — I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through it.
I’m not even sure what I should say right now (and you read my blog… that NEVER happens!).
Umm, hugs? 🙂
thanks sally. hugs are perfect. and i do read your blog! and that’s good medicine too. requesting more words & unicorns please 🙂
I’m so sorry to hear this, but it sounds like you both made the best decision you could. It also sounds like you have such a good outlook on life that you know you’ll get through it. Many good things ahead even if you’re not quite ready for them yet.
thanks ali. i love that- “many good things ahead even if you’re not quite ready for them yet.” i read an interview with john cusack (love him) many years ago and he said something in it i never forgot. the interviewer asked if he was dating. he replied “no, i’m just working on keeping my side of the street clean.” exactly what i plan to do. clean up my side of the street to make room for all the good things to come (not necessarily romantic but maybe roamantic ;p). appreciate your support 🙂
When I saw the title of your post on Twitter, I was reluctant to read it because I had a feeling this was what you were going to say. I’m so sorry. It was a heartbreaking post. I’ve been where you are now so I have an idea of what you are going through (my mutual-but-devastating relationship breakdown was in mid winter in Eastern Europe– not exactly comforting territory). If things things really weren’t going well then maybe this can be the beginning of a great new path for both of you. I wish you all the best.
thanks maryanne. so sorry you can relate if you know what i mean. hoping things are better for you now. really appreciate your warmth here and think you’re right- that there are happier trails ahead. the best of wishes to you as well 🙂
I’m with Sally. I’m not sure exactly what to say; I only hope that better times are ahead.
Also, many virtual hugs 🙂
thanks kyle. i really just appreciate the kind wishes and hugs. they are just right 🙂
Very sorry to hear and very brave of you to share.
Here’s to looking forward!
thanks poi. really appreciate that. and yes- cheers to the future. best to you as well 🙂
Wow… such a hard situation. I applaud you for the courage you have taken to express yourself about it and for looking at the bright side, even when part of you feels it’s too soon. I agree with what you say, being happy is a choice we have, and it’s in our hands to be happy. This is a moment in your life that will help you grow and will make you a stronger, wiser, and better person.
Wish you both the best, and cheers for a brighter future! 🙂 *hugs*
thanks norbert- really appreciate that. let’s hope you’re right on every count- i’ll definitely be working on it and yes- cheers to that 🙂
I am so sorry to read this–I don’t know what to say. You had to be so strong just to write this and put it out there. Good luck to you.
thanks emily. absolutely appreciate your warm well wishes 🙂
thanks emily. absolutely appreciate your warm well wishes 🙂
What a brave post! It took me months, until this week, to write a more detailed post of my own divorce from this past year. Whatever things may hold, I look forward to following along.
thanks spencer. me too with you. just started reading your “write your own story” series and am so inspired. so honest and such a great outlook. can’t wait to read more. really appreciate your support and cheers to a better year to come 🙂
Really appreciate you sharing such personal thoughts with us Lorna! I can’t imagine what you guys must be going through at this time, but I will say that time is the only remedy that won’t necessarily “fix” things, but will eventually aid in your delicate transition. Here’s a quote from the great Helen Keller to ponder over. “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Best of luck and healing to both of you. 🙂
thank you mark. i LOVE that quote! i’d never heard it before. i’ll be keeping that one close at hand. really appreciate your kind words 🙂
Oh, Lorna, what a difficult time and what a touching post. I don’t think your bright side is too early at all – even if you aren’t ready to fully embrace it yet, sometimes it’s enough to know that things won’t always be dark and you won’t always be in such an emotional rough spot. Knowing that, someday, you’ll wake up and be able to smile without thinking about it and feel genuine happiness can be enough to get you through the times when that isn’t the case. The very best of luck to you in re-creating your life.
thanks jessalyn. you know, i got such an awesome gift today- my new little niece was born this morning- such a bright spark of joy. can’t wait to fly to arizona in a few days to meet her- that’ll have me smiling lots i’m sure. thanks for encouraging the bright side and for the well-wishes- i really appreciate it 🙂
Lorna, I’m so sorry to hear this and my heart goes out to you. As I was reading your post, I was reminded of having the same thoughts during my divorce after a 9 year relationship. I know the feeling of splitting up all your possessions and the emotional heartache than comes with it. Let me just tell you that it does get easier and you will make it through this! If you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask.
thanks christy. i had no idea you’d been through this- i’m sorry you did, but glad to hear my thoughts aren’t outside the realm of normal. so good to hear your words and thanks so much for the offer to help. so sweet of you 🙂
From sadness comes such a beautiful post. It’s an experience so many of us share and our hearts and thoughts go out to you. We wish you all the best on your solo journey. Doug at the Authentic Seacoast
thanks doug. it’s so wonderful to hear that even though i wish none of us had to experience it. really appreciate your warm well wishes 🙂
Lorna –
You know I love you, am so proud of you and truly admire your courage but …
I am also totally blown away by the support shown here from all of the clever folks following your beloved blog. The world can be a wonderful, supporting network of individuals and I REALLY needed to be reminded of that this week. It is truly warming my black little heart to see that you are touching so many people with your honesty and willingness to share this emotional journey! And that they in turn are open to sharing their stories and well wishes with us.
Thank you ALL!
thanks leslie. i DO know you love me because you have been such a rock star friend to me before, during, and since this and i love you back bunches. as for the support here- isn’t it amazing?! i’m so incredibly touched by it all and some of the tears i’ve shed in these last few days have actually been happy tears just knowing that i’m part of this awesome community now. i’ve met more of our people! i’m so glad it was helpful for you to see. and YES a GREAT BIG THANKS to all 🙂
You can prove your love by showing me how to get a flipping photo loaded. 😉
i think i can manage that 😉 we need to change your email to the mr green deans one too 🙂
I need a PA
Wow, I think the number of comments yo have on the post shows how many friends you have through your blog. Such a sad story and we’re thinking of you both.
Julia and Barry x
thanks julia and barry. i really appreciate the warm wishes and i have to say that in these past days, you and our wonderful travel community here has kept me very busy counting blessings.
i feel so incredibly grateful for you all 🙂
This post gave me the chills. I love your courage for sharing something which must be painfully difficult to go through. But your outlook is amazing, there are brighter things ahead and yes go ahead and do new things! I cannot wait to read both the highs and lows of this new direction in your life.
thanks ayngelina. i really appreciate all your support and encouragement, and the feeling is totally mutual 🙂
Lorna I can’t imagine how hard it was to write this. I am so sorry that you are going through such a tough time. Your positivity is truly inspiring and I don’t think you should feel guilty. Big hugs girl I know things will get better.
thanks beth! really appreciate all of your support. someone told me this week that guilt is self-punishment, so i’m working on ridding myself of it 😉
you know i admire how you’ve rolled with challenges, so i absolutely believe it when you say things will get better. and hugs always help! 🙂
Like Julia and Barry said- the number of pcomments on this one and the friends you’ve made.
To be honest, been close to this state sometimes. So can empathise with both of you.
Stay friends, and take time to keep in touch with all those friends you made as a couple. It’s often when a couple split, that each lose all those friends you made together, because they don’t want to chose sides. So by staying friends after the split, you retain all the friendships… and that’s important.
thanks jim! yes, i’m so grateful for all the friends from our awesome travel community- it’s incredible! have to say, francisco and i are doing a great job so far with what you recommend here…and so are our mutual friends. that’s a huge blessing for sure. can’t imagine losing my partner and closest friends at the same time or having him lose them. it’s a huge priority for us 🙂
I am so sorry to read your post. You sound like you have a healthy attitude about the break up and the changes to your life. You sound strong and motivated to continue your transformation and travel. All the best to you.
thanks lisa. really appreciate your kind words and wishes. 🙂
I am sorry you have gone through. I know the pain and hope you can get through this and come out better for it.
thanks jeremy! i’m sorry you know the pain 🙁 but i know that you, others, and even i get to be happy again if we just work through it and be patient and compassionate with ourselves 🙂
First off, I am an ass. You’ve been quick to support me, popping up on Twitter and my site — here I am over two months too late to support you. I’m really sorry for that.
Everything you’re going thru – incredibly normal… I say my “marriage” was 10 years, in fact it was 11. Ahh long time. A lot of shared history between you two, and friendship.
You will feel amazing some days – FREE! Those feelings you describe are not disrespectful, but honest.
When I made the decision to leave something that was making both of us unhappy, you can’t help but feel untethered and see endless possibilities. Those baby feelings are raw, revel in them.. Draw upon them when you need!
Then the pendulum swings and of course you miss the friendship soo much and grieve for what could have been, and just wasn’t. I thought I would grow old with my ex, so I was partially in shock.
It won’t be easy everyday, but IT was the best decision (from the sounds). No more exerted effort to force something that can’t continue. I’d say there’s relief in that, which marks the stage for the next phase.
From what I know – you are already an amazing person with lots more to contribute to the world!
Go blaze em’ baby!
And I know for a fact you must have teared up writing this. It was probably one of the hardest things you’ve ever written. Be proud of the writer and woman you are. It was brave.
XO
Jeannie
thank you SO much jeannie! and you know from personal experience that two months isn’t too late to offer support in this situation! i appreciate yours tremendously.
just sorry you understand so well. you’ve hit on so many things here. it’s so clear that you get it, and that’s a big relief. a lot of guilt comes with this, and others identifying with my feelings and thoughts frankly makes me feel like less of a jerk. i too thought i’d grow old with my partner and realizing there were core issues that were insurmountable came as a shock. i think our friendship is so incredibly solid that it camouflaged them for quite some time. and you’re right, i full-on cried writing this and i was scared shit-less after i hit publish, but in the end if reading about this comforts anyone else, makes them feel less crazy at a similar time the way that all these beautiful comments have helped me, then having put myself out there is worth every tear. thank you so much for this line especially; “be proud of the writer and woman you are.” wow! you called me a writer. 🙂
Been there. Done that. Can relate. But, it sounds as if you’ve had a big love and that’s a really important piece in the healing process – to know you’ve contributed a positive energy to the world at large. I especially like the part, somewhere in your responses, where you say to share is good if it helps someone else. As a writer, I can tell you from experience that your words, honest and sincere, have touched more people than you might ever know. It may be difficult to see right now, but the world will once again become aligned on its axis and you will find joy and yes even love again. And, more importantly, you will be a better person for it.
thank you so much diana! i’m so grateful for your incredibly kind words here, and having just visited your site, i know what you say is true- you can relate! i can’t tell you how much comfort i get out of the thought that i may have helped someone by sharing this. not that i want others to go through it, but if they do and feel less alone, crazy, or worried from reading this post i’m very honored. thanks for the note of hope on my future. i know in my heart you are right and i try to hold onto that in the hard moments. 🙂
Just reading this now. There is not much I can say really except that I am really sorry. Sometimes life doesn’t work they way we envisioned or planned, but in reality it is working in a perfect way. I’m sure that it won’t be long before you will see the reasons why.
thinking of you and sending you much cyber love for your new journey forward.
thanks so much caz- i really appreciate your kind words 🙂 i think what’s been tough to swallow is that our incredible friendship, love, and desire to make it work can’t bridge some pretty major couple differences. that we can have soooo much in common, see eye to eye on so many things, have so many of the same hobbies, hopes, dreams, but that that try as we might, it isn’t enough- even if it once was. it’s definitely hard, but i’m so grateful that we were wise enough to realize it in time for us to still be close friends. and i think of all of the times in my life where, as you say, i may not have fully understood why something had to be and then the reasons were revealed in the most amazing ways down the road. thanks again for your support 🙂
I admire the courage it took for you to post this. My heart goes out to you and I hope that more happy days come to you sooner than later.
thanks erin! i know there will be, just need to be as patient and compassionate with myself where that’s concerned as i would be with a friend. really appreciate your kind words. 🙂